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just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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