just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize