I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
