He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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