i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
