I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
