I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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