i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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