dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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