btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
