she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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