I think my vagina is haunted
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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