The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
