Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize