Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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