He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
