i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
