Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
