Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
