he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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