and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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