rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
