Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
