i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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