I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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