Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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