Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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