dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
