the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
