Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
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By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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