I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
