she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The beer is more important than you right now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
