So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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