apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
