So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
