she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
