You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?