we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.