i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.