nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.