it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
