Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She even gives head with a lisp.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
