i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
