I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
