I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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