Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
