I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
