The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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