Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
