New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
