It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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