He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
