did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
