By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
