Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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