i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm at about main and main street
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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