Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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