Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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