It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
