God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.