When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?