Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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